Amazon never ceases to amaze me. It’s like a warehouse of delight. You never know what you will find when you click the search button. Will the results match your exact query? Or will they throw out a curveball, listing something they think you’d like? Like when I got suggestions of hedge trimmers and a latex horse head mask when searching for “gifts that say I love you”.
But let’s face it, some of the Amazon products are downright weird and embarrassing, and I sometimes stare at my search results and think, “Who would ever buy THAT?!”. But hey, we’re all weird, aren’t we? Sometimes weird people like to buy weird and embarrassing things, and that’s OK—no one’s judging. If you’re ready to admit you need some extra weirdness in your life, I’ve compiled this hilariously necessary list of the most embarrassing Amazon items I could find. You won’t be disappointed.
It’s a Squirrel Puppet Thingy!
Have you ever woken up one day and thought, “I wish my fingers looked like squirrel limbs? If you have, I’ve got an accessory to add to your list of most embarrassing Amazon purchases—this squirrel finger puppet. Now you can entertain yourself with hours of squirely high-jinks.
The Coneheads are Back Get One While It’s Hot!
If you ever wondered how it feels to have an egg-shaped head, Rubies’ Costume Conical Alien Skull Cap is worth a shot! It looks surprisingly flesh-like, and it’s crafted of 100% latex. If you’re not sure how to style this embarrassing Amazon prop – then why not watch the Coneheads movie!
Finally, Stand Up and Pee with this Urination Device
Girls, you can toss those cups out of the window! No more worrying about pesky rest areas or clean bathrooms. No more trying to use a cup in the most awkward positions; use this go-girl female urination device. This way, you can finally stand up and pee like a lady!
Fake Poop Fun for Everyone
I don’t know about you, but when I search for the most embarrassing Amazon items, the first thing that comes to mind is realistic-looking fake poop. If you’re looking to disgust someone dear to you, lay one of these babies on the toilet seat and wait for their shriek!
Give Your Boyfriend’s Arm a Break with this Pillow
Tired of your boyfriend complaining that his arm is going numb because you like sleeping on it? If so, the boyfriend pillow is a perfect alternative. The feeling is incredibly lifelike, although it looks a little funny. He may not like it, but you’ll be sleeping too hard to notice.
Scare Your Dog with This Horse Mask
After seeing a group of people wearing life-size pigeon heads on Google earth, I decided to buy one of my own. But, I stumbled upon something else in my embarrassing Amazon search. It’s a horse head mask. A 100% latex horse head mask – perfect for when you fancy “horsing around!”
Squatty Potties are Scientifically Proven to Release the Beast Easier
As goofy as this embarrassing Amazon product looks, there is a lot of science behind it. According to Healthline, this Squatty Potty stool increases your rectal canal angle from 100° to 120°, allowing you to poop easier. Why strain when you can scoot this up to the toilet and poop in peace?
Fresh Breast Lotion for a Friend with Swampboob
Don’t let this fresh body lotion fool you; it’s pH balanced to use in areas you never thought of putting lotion! Specifically, the, umm… underboob area? But, all jokes aside, this lotion replaces powder and keeps you from chafing or collecting extra moisture and suffering from the dreaded swampboob.
Who Wants to Squeeze Stress Balls When You Have These?
Some choose to breathe deep, others use yoga, and then some like to squeeze a pair of stress-relieving testicles, excuse me, “stressticles,” to relieve tension. If that’s you – and I don’t know why it would be – give these a good squeeze and watch your stress slip away.
Now This Is a Fanny Pack You Can Stand Behind
I’m a fan of weird T-shirts—especially the ones with fake bodies on the front. But I think I’m going to up my weird collection with this hairy belly Fanny pack. It’s hideous. You’ll love it! This embarrassing Amazon product is the one if you’re looking for a cool accessory that really confuses everyone around you.
No More Mixing Up Your Sink and Toilet Plungers
Ditch that traditional red rubber plunger and replace it with this friendly Pooh plunger. No more getting your sink and toilet plungers mixed up; this one’s unique enough to stand out! I mean, look at the eyes on this thing. Doesn’t the face alone convey trust?
Save the Embarrassment with Tootles
Oh, the embarrassment! You let one go on an elevator full of people, and you know everyone knows it was you. Well, these panties say otherwise! Tootles reinvents the statement, “he who felt it dealt it.” If you’re wearing these, no one can link those strange odors to you.
Throw Your Hands in the Air with Sweat Pads
There’s nothing more embarrassing than having on a beautiful gown and lifting your arms to reveal a hideous pit pool. These antiperspirant sweat pads absorb excess sweat while doubling as a deodorant. In addition, they’re made for people with hypersensitive skin, so there is no chance of rashes or chafing.
Ditch the Cream Sis; These Hemorrhoid Pads Are It!
Preparation H is so 1950s! These hemorrhoid gel packs provide immediate pain relief while helping shrink swollen hemorrhoidal tissue. They reduce itching and chafing, and they’re FDA-approved! If you suffer from persistent hemorrhoids, anal fissures, or irritation from IBS, this is a winner.
Groom Your Cat the Natural Way with a Tongue Brush
Cats hate being brushed, but they love grooming themselves. But, if you have a cat that’s not doing its job, or for some reason, you fancy grooming your cat with your mouth, this brush is for you. It feels like a real cat’s tongue, so it comforts the cat as you groom it. Just put it in your mouth and lick away.
A Butt Mask You Can Get Behind
Your butt works so hard to get you from point A to point B; shouldn’t you give it a little tender loving care? This Bawdy “Slap it” butt mask is drenched in retexturizing and detoxifying goodness, which will leave your butt feeling soft and smooth after just one 15 minutes application.
Protect Your Dog’s Doo With This Pupbrella
You’re walking your freshly groomed dog when the heavens open and begin to pour forth rain. His freshly blown mane is back to being matted, and those matching Christmas sweater pictures are no longer a go. Darn. Avoid disappointment by securing your pup with this dog umbrella! It’s a thing.
Man-Proof Your Liquid Gold in a Tampon Flask
Are you tired of your husband stealing your booze? Taking sneaky swigs from your flask? I know I am. Now, you can disguise your liquor in this novelty tampon flask. This flask is guaranteed to be man-proof. Just don’t drink from it in public. Not that I have or anything.
Forget Botched Plastic Surgery, Tape Your Face in Place
Embarrassingly, after watching an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians, I decided to look up cheap facelifts. This is what I found. *Insert speechlessness here* This facelift tape is waterproof and invisible, so you can take those cheekbones up as far as they’ll go, and don’t forget the brows.
No More Matches Use the Poo-Pouri
And last, on the most embarrassing Amazon products list, we have Poo-Pouri. It is a weird thing to buy, but admittedly it smells much better than toxic aerosols. Poo-Pouri is available in several scents, but my favorite has to be citrus. You don’t even have to poop to use it!
No More Thigh Fires with These Elastic Bands
This is another one of those products you need without knowing you did, and how could you not, with a name like “Bandalettes Patented Trademarked Original Elastic Anti-Chafing Thigh Bands“? I mean, hello? But seriously, these bands will stop chafing in their tracks, and they are undetectable, so no one will ever know your anti-chafing secret!